


The Fear of Being Alone

by Laney1728



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Christmas In July | Christmas Out Of Season, Drama, F/M, J/C Photo Prompt Fic fest, Love Triangles, Miracles happen when it snows, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:46:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25111843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laney1728/pseuds/Laney1728
Summary: Chakotay finally comes to his senses after breaking up with Seven. He realizes that Kathryn is the only woman for him. Gathering all of his courage, he goes to the Janeway residence expecting to sweep her off her feet. Unfortunately, things never go as they're supposed to.
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Comments: 20
Kudos: 51
Collections: J/C Photo Prompt Fic Fest 2020





	The Fear of Being Alone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jemabean](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jemabean/gifts).



> Huge thank you to Elephantintheprideparade for beta reading this story for me! 
> 
> This was initially meant to be a present for my friends birthday, but writers block has been a bitch lately. Thankfully I find that joining fic fests like this one always helps me to get back to writing. 
> 
> This story is based on picture #6.

He walked through the hustle and bustle of the city streets, savoring the feeling of being around people and being a nameless face in a crowd. After six months with just himself, his now ex-girlfriend, and three other Starfleet officers working under him on his shuttle-sized ship, he needed to see something new. 

But at the end of the day, when the streets cleared and liveliness he craved was nowhere to be seen, he would go home to an empty apartment. Laying in his bed, he would stare at the blank ceiling, not wanting to close his eyes. Every time he did, he saw her. Her smile. Her laugh. The way their eyes would meet on the bridge, and suddenly everything around them would stop. In those few precious seconds, they weren't captain and commander, but Kathryn and Chakotay. 

The visions of her started a few months prior, driving him to end things with Annika. Truth be told, there were many reasons why they were wrong for each other, but at the top of the list sat his former captain. 

After a failed attempt at sleeping, Chakotay sat at his comm, hoping it wasn't too early to make a call. 

After a few seconds, someone answered. 

"B'Elanna, it's great to see you!" Chakotay said. 

His smile dropped when it wasn't returned. 

"Where the hell have you been?" she growled, the bags under her eyes and the wailing baby in the background hinting that she was probably having a similar lack of luck with sleep. 

"I-I--" he stammered.

"Oh, I know where you were, but I also know you've been home for nearly two weeks, and you haven't said one word to anyone!" 

Chakotay released an exasperated sigh, which was followed by a feeling of guilt. She had every right to be pissed. 

"B'Elanna, I'm sorry, I just needed time to adjust...and think."

Her expression lightened up a bit before she continued. 

"Well, now that you've 'adjusted,' why don't you come over in an hour for breakfast. Then to make up for not reaching out sooner, you can occupy Miral after we eat so I can finally take a nap."

He laughed. 

"Of course! I'll see you soon." 

Before ending the call, B'Elanna finally cracked a smile and said. 

"I've missed you."

"I've missed you too," he replied. 

The comm-link closed and he blew out a breath, a genuine smile graced his face for the first time in what felt like forever. 

He showered, got dressed, and put his coat on before heading out the door, back into the busy streets full of people. 

* * *

Later that morning, Chakotay was putting the last of the dishes in the recycler, and B'Elanna followed him into the kitchen, a wriggling Miral on her hip. 

"So Tom finally decided to publish a holonovel?" he asked. 

"Oh, yes, it's his new passion. He certainly has the skill to make something great, but he refuses to tell me what the story is about!"

"Really? You don't even have a hint?"

"Well, lately, he's been talking in his sleep, and from what he says, then I gather its something to do with pirates and a damsel in distress."

"Interesting," he chuckled. 

There was a pause as The two walked to the kitchen table and settled back into their chairs. 

"Go ahead, I know you want to ask so let's just get it out of the way," she said, handing Miral over to Chakotay. 

He smiled brightly, holding the baby close and planting a kiss on her head. 

"Get what out of the way?" he asked innocently, gently running his hand over the baby's soft head of wispy hair. 

"Don't play dumb. You want to ask about Kathryn," she smirked. 

He blushed a bit and chuckled. 

"Well?" he asked. 

"She's been living in Indiana with her mother. We haven't seen her in person in three months, but she comms at least once a week. There hasn't been talk of anyone' special' in her life." 

His heart leaped a bit at the thought of Kathryn still being available. 

B'Elanna handed him a padd. He shifted the baby to one side in order the take it from her. 

"What's this?" 

"The address to her mother's house. I think it's about time you pay her a visit... and grovel at her feet maybe even say a prayer that she'll consider giving you the time of day."  
Chakotay almost smiled at her joke, but the reality behind it felt like a punch to the gut. 

"I really have made a complete fool out of myself, haven't I?" 

B'Elanna put a hand on his shoulder and looked at him with a hint of pity. 

"You tossed away the chance to be with the obvious love of your life in order to date an attractive blonde with large breasts who shares a whopping zero interests with you. You're not a fool, you're just a man who went through an obvious midlife crisis. But now it's time to clean up this mess you've made."

"Do you even think that's possible?" he asked. 

"She still asks about you almost every time we speak. When she says your name, there's a sadness in her eyes. I can feel it even through the comm. You broke her heart, but if she was completely over you, I don't think she would be asking how you are." 

Chakotay smiled, planting another kiss on Miral's head, which rested on his shoulder. The baby had been soothed by the vibrations of his low voice until she fell asleep. 

"Well, I should invite you over more often. Maybe I could actually get some sleep!"

"Where do you want me to put her?"

"In her crib upstairs is fine, just don't wake Tom up, it was his turn to get up with Miral in the middle of the night. But now that she's out, I should take this opportunity to get some rest too."

He walked up the steps carefully, hoping not to wake the sleeping child. As he laid her down, she adjusted herself, her eyes opening and causing him to hold his breath. But she quickly closed her eyes, and her breathing evened out. He turned around to exit the room and finally noticed Tom Paris sleeping on his belly in a starfish position. He was snoring lightly with one of Miral's teddy bears acting as a makeshift pillow even though there were several pillows just inches away. He chuckled as he closed the door, wishing them both a good nap. 

Walking down the steps, he expected to see B'Elanna waiting for him to say goodbye, but instead, she was passed out on the couch, curled up in a ball. He tossed a blanket over her and kissed her forehead. 

"Goodbye, B'Elanna," he whispered. 

"Mmmm bye-bye," she muttered. 

He waited till he was out of earshot to release a laugh. 

* * *

With nothing else to do for the day, he stared at the padd in his right hand while clutching a peace rose in his left. His heart had been racing since he left the transporter station. Now, he felt as though his feet would fail him when he came upon the large farmhouse. There was an old-fashioned mailbox out front with the name 'Janeway' painted on it. The box itself was decorated rather elaborately with an image showing a man, a woman, two little girls, and a dog. The paint was chipped in some places, telling him that it was painted many years ago. 

He walked up the stone pathway to the large white porch where beautiful wooden rocking chairs rested. A wind chime made a lovely sound as a gentle breeze brushed by, and with a deep breath, he reached for the doorbell. 

Before his finger could push it, he heard two people laughing and approaching the front door. Suddenly the laughter stopped, and the door opened to reveal Kathryn kissing another man, her arms wrapped around his neck while the man's hands were lowering, getting dangerously close to her--

"Chakotay!" she pulled back in shock as she saw her former first officer standing there, white as a sheet with both hands behind his back. She pushed away from the unknown man and ran her hands over her shirt to flatten out the wrinkles. 

"Ummm...Noah, this is my Cha-- my first officer, former first officer, Chakotay," she said. 

Chakotay recognized the look in her eyes as a complete state of panic. He'd known her to be the definition of calm and cool on the bridge in the most dangerous situations, but this wasn't a captain fighting for lives that were at stake. This was the panic of a woman who was caught completely off guard. 

"Chakotay, this is, Rear Admiral Noah Logan, my ummm...my--" she stammered. 

"Her boyfriend." Noah finished for her, extending a hand out for him to shake. 

Chakotay moved both the rose and padd to his left hand, so his right was free to accept then handshake. 

The man was similar in height and build to Chakotay. He was a handsome man with short gray hair, dazzling blue eyes, and a pair of dimples that rivaled Chakotay's. 

He had to swallow the lump in his throat and force every muscle in his face to form a convincing smile. 

"I'm sorry to have interrupted. I should have commed you before I came. Perhaps I should just go," he said. 

"No, Chakotay, don't. Noah was just about to leave", she said, patting him on the back and putting a bit of space between them. 

But Noah didn't take a step towards the outside. Instead, he wrapped an arm around Kathryn with a cocky grin, pulled her close, and kissed her cheek, causing Chakotay's jealousy to bubble up inside. Kathryn, though, seemed uncomfortable and stiffened in Noah's embrace. 

"Well, actually, I could miss my meeting if you wouldn't mind me staying. It's all boring briefing stuff which I could catch up on later. Besides, I'd much rather get to know the man who stood by the woman I love for seven years." 

Kathryn's cheeks reddened, and her eyes darted to the ground before looking back at Chakotay. 

Chakotay felt as though he wanted to vomit. He wished he hadn't come. He would have given anything at that moment to be home in bed, hiding under his covers. 

"No, no, really, I can't stay I just dropped by to say 'hello,' but I have places I have to be soon."

"Chakotay, really why don't you come in for--" 

Before she could finish, there was a ringing at the comm.

"Darling, you should get that, it might be important," Noah said. 

She shot Chakotay an apologetic look. 

"Alright, well, I'll see you at Tom and B'Elanna's Christmas party, right?" Kathryn asked. 

"Of course, I wouldn't miss it!" he said. 

She nodded and turned to head inside and answer the call. 

Chakotay noticed Noah's smile drop and a slight glare in his eyes as he closed the door a little too hard in Chakotay's face. 

Defeated and utterly heartbroken, he pulled the padd, and the peace rose out from behind his back. Tossing the single rose on the grass out front, he walked back towards the transporter station. He never noticed the person from the second floor of the house watching him walk away; he was too focused on finding a stiff drink and something to punch. 

Later that night, with a bruised right hand clutched around a glass of whiskey, he stared out the window at the first flurries of snow that drifted in the wind. He ran over the meeting with Kathryn in his head over and over again. 

They couldn't have been dating that long, and it can't be that serious if she hasn't mentioned it to anyone. Then he remembered the words "The woman I love." Noah was obviously very serious about Kathryn, but there was a chance that she wasn't as serious about him. With that small glimmer of hope radiating through him, he vowed to himself that come hell or high water, he would win Kathryn Janeway back. 

* * *

Kathryn flipped the page on her book, her brain unable to process the words she was reading. All she could think about was Chakotay, and why he'd shown up unannounced. With reading no longer an option, she decided it was time to figure out what to eat for dinner. Her train of thought was interrupted as her mother walked down the steps. 

"Is he gone?" Gretchen called out.

"Is who gone?" Kathryn asked.

Gretchen rounded the corner and sat on the couch next to her daughter, placing something on the side table. 

"Noah! That insufferable ass."

Kathryn huffed and rolled her eyes. 

"Well, honestly, if I have to hear him talk about how he went climbing on Mt. Everest and nearly lost his pinky finger, I'll chop my own damn finger off and shove it down his throat to shut him up!" 

Kathryn sighed. "Mother, I know you don't exactly like Noah, but you shouldn't hide from him. Maybe if you got to know him a little more, you'd like him as much as I do."

Gretchen, done talking about the man she found to be downright annoying, decided to change the subject. 

"Who was that boy I saw walking off the porch earlier?" she asked. 

Kathryn hesitated before answering. 

"That was Chakotay. My former first officer."

"And that's all he was to you? Just your first officer?" Gretchen asked with a knowing smile. 

Kathryn was shocked at what her mother was insinuating. 

"Yes, of course. Why?" she asked curiously. 

"Oh, nothing. It's just, I know a heartbroken boy when I see one, and he looked completely crushed. I assume that's because he saw you and Noah."

Kathryn shook her head at the ridiculous thought. 

"He definitely wasn't heartbroken...besides he has a girlfriend," she said bitterly. 

"Well, I don't know many men with girlfriends who bring other women flowers," Gretchen smirked. 

"What are you talking about? Chakotay didn't bring me flowers." 

Gretchen reached onto the table and picked up the peace rose. 

"I found this on the front lawn. I suspect he intended to give it to you but lost his nerve after seeing you with Noah. He tossed it in the grass as he walked off the property. It's a pretty rose...much prettier than the half-dead daisies Noah brought you."

"Oh, mother, would you stop it!" Kathryn shouted. 

"Alright, alright, I'll stop. I should go whip something up for dinner."

Gretchen stood up and handed her daughter the rose before leaving the room. Kathryn lifted the flower to her nose to inhale the sweet scent. She felt butterflies in her stomach at the thought that what her mother said might be true, but then she remembered Seven. Kathryn stood no chance. Besides, she was with Noah, and they were happy. Weren't they?

She had held onto hope for too long that Chakotay would come to his senses and that they might be able to be together, but thoughts like that were foolish. Thoughts like that almost cost her a relationship with Noah. No matter how much it hurt, she would put any dreams of a life with Chakotay behind her. 

She walked over to the recycler and tossed the rose in, watching it fade away. A stray tear slipped down her cheek, and she immediately brushed it off. 

"Mom, do you need help with dinner?" she asked. 

"Absolutely not! I do not want a repeat of last night with burnt rolls. I just got that horrible smell out of the air!" 

Kathryn chuckled before going back to the couch, pretending to read while thoughts ran wild in her mind.

**Author's Note:**

> TBC


End file.
